Tuesday, 12 May 2009

My Mind - Unplugged...12.05.09

This is an attempt at writing down my thoughts as they arise, without any review , censorship, meditation and so forth.
its somewhat scary to realise that in the process one may end up saying "god only knows what!" but i feel that it sounds like a great way to try and get rid of all the thoughts that constantly build up or simply flow and float around in my brain.
its amazing to realise that i am at a point where nothing seems to surface....suddenly there's a deep calm and a void. could it be that the thoughts just seize because i lie in wait for them to surface? like some ordinary mouse stops in its track and hides behind the wall sensing the big fat cat that awaits on the other side?
thirst, makes me reach out for a bottle of water and seriously i simply must go and drink some, but then again if i dont it will perhaps trigger off a specificaly related stream of thought which would be intersting to record.
the new maid is due and why has she not called again? she must be nearing goa by now and she should call!
its pretty hot and one would think that having drunk the water one would feel cooler.. but the sweating just went into top gear. karan must be sweating even more playing cricket in this heat but its good, he does need to loose all that excess weight. i am glad that he has found this new interest in the outdoors, with his cycling and now the cricket. good.
happiness is such a nice assuring thing. and to think it simply sits deep within us, all on its own, untouched, without any cause, like an underground stream hdiden in a deep cave to be dipped into simply by reaching it. but hush... i need to become silent again if i want to reach that stream because for some odd reason i cant reach it unless i reach a pervading silence inside me.
sunlight dances on my face as the leaves play around on the tree. my back hurts and i must lay back.. as i look up, i watch the fan... and its back again to the key board. letters floating around, punched randomly only to reveal the state of my mind... i smell soap!, i wonder how come! its past 5pm and who could be having a bath at this hour? funny, the senses, the things that they can pick up.
makes me nod my head as my mind goes blank once again.
fears of a recession fears of money but what is it that i feel right NOW? fear? anxiety? i dont know. i cant say. i dont seem to feel anything... maybe too much of the abnormal makes it look normal? ahh well....